Something I've been contemplating and experiencing a lot recently has been Resistance--Resistance towards the behaviors, actions, modus operandi, etc. of my significant other, close friends, loved ones, et al. 

These moments of Resistance occurred to me and have started to become more blatant in my purview thanks to a handy dandy app called Headspace, which a friend of mine gifted me a free month of premium access to a couple weeks ago (thanks Lenny!). Said app is a hip and fun way to get yourself into and continue meditating. I first discovered Headspace a little over a year ago, and tried the free 10 day trial. It played a large part in spawning my subsequent meditative journeys, but I never went beyond the free trial and instead opted to continue my meditation practices using free apps like Insight Timer.

Now that I've gotten a taste of the premium version of Headspace, though, I quite enjoy it and see the value. It's much more focused on certain subject matters or issues one may want to home in on. There's a Relationships meditation series that I recently started on the topic of Resistance/Acceptance that has really gotten me thinking. I'm on Day 4 out of 10, and the exercises so far involve focusing on and noticing moments and feelings of Resistance during meditation and throughout the day (I'm boiling this down a lot for the sake of saving space). The idea is to ultimately accept the Resistance itself and therefore quell whatever feelings of Resistance keep arising--to also notice the Resistance but not to judge it or judge oneself for feeling it.

I struggle with the latter a lot: lately I've been experiencing feelings of Resistance related to close loved ones that I feel immense guilt over. And consequently I keep going through this endless inner turmoil loop of Resistance --> guilt --> worry --> noticing of said Resistance and guilt --> attempted acceptance and meditation --> semi-acceptance, until a new behavior or action triggers a new feeling of Resistance in me--and around and around we go. 

Which brings me to my question in question: at what point should one simply walk away from the cause of one's Resistance? Where is the line, or threshold, so to speak? Sure, Buddhism suggests that we should practice accepting and ridding ourselves of Resistance, but nowhere in its philosophy does it suggest that we should continue to put ourselves in situations and stay close to those who cause Resistance within us. The hard part, I think, is that oftentimes those who cause Resistance in us are ones that we care deeply about. This is the case for me at least. And so it becomes very hard to judge when to call it quits or start distancing oneself from Resistance's impetus. Because wouldn't that just be the healthy thing to do for my mind?

I don't know the answer to all this. Do you?

-Jessie

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